Sunday, April 3, 2016

When camp goes wrong

Description

In Poutama we have been writing about camp El Roncho, which we went to about 2 or 3 weeks ago. I choose an Entertaining theme.  My story's called, when camp went wrong 

STORY

Hi I'm Angus and I'm going to tell you about camp El Rancho, when it went wrong, we were in the bus... Two hours later we're here. We walk to the hall, a guy named Dave or is it Steve? Was talking I can't hear what is he saying, there he goes, bye Dave or is it Steve? I will never know. Time to go explore yay! we had to find marks around the camp. When I finally found a mark, it was near the field I saw some kids playing rugby cool. I saw one kid kick the ball at the post it wobbled then stopped and fell over oh I wanted to play rugby when we had 50 marks a strange feeling came over me. It was a tingly feeling like I need to go tolet I ran like the flash into the toilets,when I was finished the toilet paper gets stuck. No, I said the water flows up, the toilets are leaking I sprint to my cabin, while I was running I heard Troy's horn thing I must be lunch already. When I got there, a lady said "that there was a problem with the food", but every thing was fine.
The lady placed the best looking food ever, the lady chooses my table to eat first, I take the biggest bite ever, but... I had the biggest vomit ever, I felt sick I wanted to go home, wait it is the last day,"yay". We go to the meeting place there were about 47 people kids here, but some one saw something, he yelled  so loud I looked up at it, it looks like a giant potato ahhhh, its smashes all of the bus's, "no" I said "we only had two bus's, no wait we had three". I see the last bus come around the corner yay, every one hops in, "yes" I said, 4 or 5 hours later we hopped out one by one as I walked back to class I mean going home.
THE END


Evaluation
The hardest thing was seeing the word because I have bad handwriting but the
Easy part was the writing on the IPad because to make it longer I have to make make
Stuf up

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Ff I think you did a great job I loved how you hooked us in and told the reader your emotions.
Fb Next Time I think you should do a read over and then read if you have any mistakes I saw some :P -Charlotte P